Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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