Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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