i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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