So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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