Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
