I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.