I seem to have left my pride at pride
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀