Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
