If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize