hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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