Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
