so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
