Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?