The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away