I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?