im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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