Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

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  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2792) Bad night (754)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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  (815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q
  Replies (24) Good night (864) Bad night (4314)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks

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  (210): Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks http://tfl.nu/5a6w
  Replies (5) Good night (7374) Bad night (670)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down

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  (940): never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down http://tfl.nu/bj4x
  Replies (48) Good night (5251) Bad night (1076)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.

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  (715): Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina. http://tfl.nu/6q39
  Replies (290) Good night (4229) Bad night (2782)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12340) Bad night (1465)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

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  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (5053) Bad night (998)
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  (916): View more from California

  So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.

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  (916): So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday. http://tfl.nu/t9ad
  Replies (9) Good night (3743) Bad night (1005)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth

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  (219): I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth http://tfl.nu/0u40
  Replies (4) Good night (1896) Bad night (1127)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.

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  (727): Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit. http://tfl.nu/berc
  Replies (5) Good night (1622) Bad night (560)
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  (585): View more from New York

  It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.

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  (585): It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate. http://tfl.nu/p0j4
  Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (601)
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  (956): View more from Texas

  Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.

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  (956): Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout. http://tfl.nu/rol8
  Replies (0) Good night (743) Bad night (380)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life

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  (630): sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life http://tfl.nu/q2m2
  Replies (4) Good night (279) Bad night (643)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.

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  (817): No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5k9
  Replies (0) Good night (292) Bad night (591)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?

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  (616): your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial? http://tfl.nu/h7zs
  Replies (1) Good night (457) Bad night (308)

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