We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.