Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?