Cold hands, warm shart.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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