hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.