Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room