Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize