I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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