My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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