My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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