Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
