I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
third nipple confirmed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
