If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
