Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
