Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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