at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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