is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
