You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
