After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
