I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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