How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.