A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch