I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.