So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?