never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out