If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.