yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.