I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am naked and annoyed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
