By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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