i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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