I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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