Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
