Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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