the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
