you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
