Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
