How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Randomize
