Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
