you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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