Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
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I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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