My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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