This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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