Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
