some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.