I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?