the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.