I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.