Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
