I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
