Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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