No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
