You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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